Oh god, it goes nowhere

I’m not sure if I’m currently depressed or just bored, but my current lifestyle seems to be permeated by both. I don’t mean to lay a sympathy trip on anyone but, the successful, fulfilling, enticing life that we all dream of as kids sort of fades sharply when all you have to look forward to after a grueling day of work, is a 24 of Pabst, and a trip to the Laundromat. You can only put off that Laundromat trip so long until you have no boxers or jeans left; when your only option is to raw dog it in a pair of dress pants with mismatched socks, it’s time to do the fucking laundry whether you feel up to it or not. The Laundromat down the street from my house is basically a homeless shelter that closes at 10pm. There is literally a 2 x 3 foot crevasse between where the rows of washers end and the dryers begin, that is usually occupied by a bum (unrelated, but I just looked up the word “bum” to see if there were any cool synonyms, and while I was only supplied with the word “tramp”, the dictionary did grant me with a definition and sentence to illustrate the meaning/usage of the world, which is real gold: “Meaning: a homeless wanderer who may beg or steal for a living. Usage: I feel sorry for bums and occasionally give them money”). I assume that it is quite warm in there, but it’s also jackhammer loud, which likely makes sleeping near impossible. I guess part of being homeless, is learning to acclimate to your surroundings. As a relatively well-to-do member of tax-paying society, I can basically just buy my way into sleeping relatively comfortably, and even then I still do not sleep well regularly. Hearing any type of noise is legitimate ground for my mind to focus, ultimately keeping me actively awake (I don’t think I’ve ever passed out during a movie, except maybe out of sheer exhaustion). Part of being a good vagabond, is possesing the ability to sleep in any context.

I’m not really sure where I’m going with this, so I’m just gonna stop with whatever I was attempting to go for. Any good writer knows that it’s wise to ditch your efforts when you’ve procured absolute crap, but it’s hard for me to do that when I’ve spent a full twenty minutes developing a topic (even when it’s pointless). Additionally I'm not a good writer and it’s not like I have anyone to impress. Since I’ve accomplished relatively little (in terms of tangible things; I guess blog isn’t exactly tangible, but you can read it) if I were to get mauled and raped to death by a mob of stray leopards today, all that would actually stand out to embody my life is a 4 month old blog, and a couple mixtapes (and the fact that I was mauled and raped to death). In death, would my gibberish, suddenly be exalted (god, I hope not)? I’ve read portions of a couple books by famous dead writers, which should not have ever been published, but were solely based on the pulse of interest that accumulated with the arrival of their tombstone (usually someone finds a bunch of letters or a manuscript discarded among their belongings, and without any hesitation publishes it. Then I impulsively buy that book used, since I like the writer, read a little bit, and my image of this impeccable literary giant is diminished as a result.). For me, blog is probably the thing that should not be out there, but unfortunately I do not have any polished work that stands diametric to my prattle. Also this fantasy that I'm pondering where you feel completely insignificant, but then you die and suddenly you do matter (you fucking showed them!), is the trite fuel of millions of studio apartment losers and impulsive suicide cases. Worst post ever, sorry.

Also it was my intention to post a bunch of depressing ass music today, but since I'm at work, I only have mostly dance music, which doesn't exactly translate the sentiments of the post. I was able to dig up something non-dancey, but I wouldn't exactly consider it depressing, as much as inspired by fantasy, since all the music posted today by keyboard whiz Bo Hansson is based on the Lord of the Rings. I haven't had any coffee yet today, so I'll probably feel great as soon as I do, and feel sort of embarrassed that I wrote all this downer shit. If anything I hope someone gets a laugh out of it (and like all those motivational types always say, "If I can just get one person to smile then it was all worth it") :) Smiley.
Bo Hansson - The Black Riders & Flight to the Ford
Bo Hansson - ShadowFax
Bo Hansson - The Horns of Rohan & The Battle of the Pelennor Fields