It always sucks to go see a dance-specific band, DJ, or artist of some sort play a relatively empty club. It may be cool at some point in the future, (like if the band later becomes the hippest, coolest, most sold out shit around, and then you can tell your kids that you saw them at some abandoned roller-skating rink in front of six sleeping hobos), but at the actual moment when they are playing, it totally sucks, even if they are killing it. This really awkward crowd sentiment applies more for dance music than for a stoner rock band. I’d be totally comfortable seeing Mammatus kill it in front of 5 people in a 200+ venue, than seeing Danny Krivit kill it in front of the same crowd in the same environment. I think it has to do with this obligation to dance that I have for something that I like, and how I want to properly represent where I live (The San Francisco dance music scene isn’t the best, but it’s definitely not the worst. It definitely pales in comparison to somewhere like New York or London, where some of the more underground acts and labels actually stand to pull a decent crowd even with subpar promotion, just because some of people there get a little more juiced on the exclusives, and have a bit more passion, which is ultimately why they live there and deal with all the other negatives, like it being fucking expensive, the weather sucking, and having to be surrounded by a bunch of backstage blowjob givers/seekers – SF has all those negatives too, just a lower ratio of those positives mentioned). So if I happen to be at a club (and I’m drunk; sadly this is kind of a prerequisite) and I’m there to check some specific group/dj out, and they are actually good, but either no one is there, or everyone there is sitting down and staring at them, I have to at least try to dance to it. Even though I’m tired and wanna go home, and I really hate dancing on empty dance floors, I often will strictly out of pity, to convey with my dancing feet “Hey, we are good people here. San Francisco likes you, it’s just that it’s Wednesday, well, people here are kinda lame, but not all of them. Look at me though, I’m dancing, I’m dancing.” The whole time I’m totally self conscious, so drunkenly I’ll try to up my dance moves from retarded gyrating to something a bit more advanced and choreographed, usually well out of the range of dance moves that I can actually perform. This may result in me falling, or attempting an ill fated break-dance move that I could do on the playground when I was 8, but definitely can’t pull anymore. So it’s probably worse for the artist that I’m attempting to soothe with my pity dancing. They’ve leave thinking San Francisco clubs are only lightly attended by wallflower lurkers and dancing retards.
I’ve noticed with a lot of the boogie LPs that I’ve been picking up, that the first two tracks on the first side tend to be the winners. I don’t know if this is some agreed upon convention by the labels and artists, I mean I’m sure if you asked them, they’d reply that every track on there is great, or maybe they’d go the opposite route and declare that the whole album is shit, and the music business ruined their life, ba-humbug! I guess labels realized that all music consumers are a bunch of 8 year olds with ADD who can’t get past the first 4 bars of a track if it doesn’t hook them immediately. My observation of this is not really too tried and tested, as it’s generally based on the few LPs I went to record the other night. It could be completely coincidental. I mean if I really wanted to back my shit up before I put my theory out to the inter-world, I could have at least spent 15 minutes looking through my own record collection, to see if there is even a slight majority of the very few LPs from ’80 – ’85 that I personally have in my possession with the same pattern (which in no way represents the thousands of Boogie LPs released during that time period). But, I had to go to the club last night and do my retard-pity dance, so I was unable. I could have held out on the post, done some research, but I have nothing to do at work at the moment, and this topic is on the mind, yadda yadda yadda.
One of the tracks that I’m gonna post up is called Indiscreet Sweet, which is by Con Funk Shun. It’s a van driving pedophile’s love song about freaking, where the singer alludes to the law being after him, because the girl he’s getting with is only 15. It sadly makes the long list of pop songs, about makin’ it with the underage. Here’s a few other obvious ones for the list (this is not a definitive list, and unsurprisingly this subject was rather ubiquitous with in 50s/60s rock culture – thank you Jerry Lee Lewis. FYI, I’m not down with pederasts, I just find these tangents, and sometimes you have to explore them. And also, I don’t happen to have random pedophile music knowledge at my beck and call; I looked them up on Google like any normal person would ):
1. Stray Cat Blues by the Rolling Stones - "I can see that your just 13 years old, but I don't want your id."
2. Aqualung by Jethrotull - "Sitting on a park bench, eyeing little girls with bad intent".
3. Jailbait by Motorhead (god this one is awful) –
“Hey baby you're a sweet young thing,
Still tied to Mommy's apron strings,
I don't even dare to ask your age,
It's enough to know you're here backstage”
4. Father Figure by George Michael (I’m on the fence with this one, as it’s possible that George Michael literally wants to be a father figure, but the lyrics, and their arrangement are so suggestive).
"I will be your father figure. Put your tiny hand in mine. I will be your preacher teacher (be your daddy), anything you have in mind."
5. Tonight’s The Night by Rod Stewart – "Don't say a word, my virgin child. Just let your inhibitions run wild. The secret is about to unfold. Upstairs, before the night's too old."
Con Funk Shun - Indiscreet Sweet
Skyy - This Groove Is Bad
that backspring was sick. Made the night.
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