The Heartland

So I just returned from my brief jaunt to Indiana, and big ups to my buddy Ben for making that happen. Being from Los Angeles, and living currently in San Francisco (and never living outside of California for longer than a summer) has obviously left me with a very jaded perspective on the majority of the country. I mean there are only like 20 cool states and the rest blow, right. What really makes a state cool? Is it some type of ratio of cool urban spots, nature /resources, and political leanings? Obviously it’s different for each person and personality. For example, I would consider Florida cool, because I went to WMC twice during spring break, and went to some fun parties, good skate spots, hung out at the beach and ate some good Cuban food. I’ve never been outside of Miami, except when I went to Epcot Center (when I was 5), and yet I still feel enough authority to deem it couth. I don’t care about the swamps, hurricanes, humidity, poverty, elderly, hicks, etc… since I’ve never personally experienced them. In my mind, Florida is alright because all I know about the place is two highly irregular weeks in Miami. Similarly Texas is un-cool because my Uncle lives there, his wife breeds boxers (super ugly dogs), and their backyard is basically a trash can with a half-full pool of sludge and fire ants everywhere else. However, the cool thing about really un-cool states (i.e. corn-belt, heartland, WHITE PEOPLE), is that a lot of cool things that would be expensive in cool places, are un-cool there (or at least irrelevant) and therefore inexpensive. I’m talking specifically about disco records and vintage clothes. The big record store in the town I recently visited in Indiana was practically giving away their disco and boogie records, and since I bought so many (there were some serious gems people), the clerk added an extra discount on top of the already minimal prices, while chuckling to himself that nobody ever looks through “those”. I’ve had similar experiences in other white towns. I’ll be uploading some of what I’ve found during this week, but I haven’t recorded any of those records yet, so you’ll have to stay tuned. Yes, I’m using the cliffhanger tactic again.

The Indianapolis airport sucks, because they have those faulty toilets that “sense” when a person is finished dropping off the kids at the pool. Except the sensors are always fucked up, or at least they are super sensitive, so every single time I’ve taken a shit there (three times in life thus far) the thing prematurely flushes (and these are violent flushes) splashing up my poop-water all over my butt, while I try to pull up super quick in fear (I never succeed). The Indianapolis airport is not the only place that this has happened to me; these robo-sensors have been around for quite a while, and are increasing in number. These are not the cool robots that allow me to be part of the staff at the grocery store (I actually like them, as they let me discreetly omit the price of some of the items that I intend to purchase). Some of these sensor toilets actually work, and I do see the advantages; some people do not care to flush and it sucks to see the processed relics of a stranger’s food before you go to relieve yourself. It’s not like a janitor is fired every time a robot automatically flushes your waste; people can still pee and shit all over the seat, the wall and the floor, and there is nothing that a simple flush can do about it. Unless management companies want to develop and invest in a sanitary Scooba or similar product, which someone would still have to clean and maintain (unless they build a robot to do that), then the janitor still stands to work another day. I don’t think humans are quite ready for Wall-E to wipe our butts just yet.

One track here is by the Crusaders. Spiral can be considered smooth jazz, and if I heard this in an elevator, I’d probably still get off at my intended floor. I wouldn’t ride it for 6 minutes as people got on and off, while playing the air sax. I’d like to think that the track is that moving (at least enough to extend your elevator ride), but realistically it’s just not. It’s still a hot jam, so check it out. Its not my intention to post total crap up here, unless it is to prove a point or attempt humor, and I don't consider this crap in anyway. Smooth Jazz rules to a certain extent, and many unlikely candidates have been sampled all over the place to create your favorite hip-hop or electro jam. Take heed.
Crusaders - Spiral
Central Line - I Need Your Love
Merge - Take It To The Top