The Fountain

Thanks to the wonders of science and research, I can finally take something that has haunted me my entire adult life and (possibly) turn it into a positive. I look young, to the point where the average doorman, assumes that I am A) not 21+ and B) not in possession of a legitimate ID, and therefore he or she must put me and my ID under the most scrutinous of tests. Staring, flexing, flicking, and black-light torture is subjected upon my poor ID, and I concurrently get asked every question under the sun, “what’s your birthday”, “what’s your sign, “what’s your driver’s license number”, etc… and then the follow ups to that process are baby face remarks, laughing, and utter disbelief. For the record I am not retarded or physically deformed, so I don’t look like the midgets from Time Bandits or anything. I used to get jealous of my friends who looked 30 when we were 18, but after some contemplation, my lot in my life ain't too bad. Conversely, I actually prefer to just continue to put up with all the shit and remain somewhat precocious looking than to be like Robin Williams in JACK. Apparently Danish scientists have found that people who look young for their age actually live longer. According to the following article it has something to do with these pieces of DNA called telomeres, which I am not going to explain, because you should know how to fucking read and follow links. Thanks to science, I can now confidently look forward to outliving most of my peers in solitude, and I now have some scientifically-bitchy condescension that I can insecurely recant to door-people during my nightly interview process.
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