See It, Feel It

The idea for today’s post is complete garbage and I know it. Usually this would be more than enough incentive for a person to move on to something more productive, but wasting time is the name of the game today: this may be the most productive that I get. Besides I need to write this out so I can stop thinking about it; it has plagued me all morning, and I really need to advance my train of thought to something above a 9th grade stoner level.

Sooooooooooo, I think that people should be able change the MPAA rating system of movies when they are zooted, as a precautionary warning for those whose brains are in a delicate state. For the most part, if a movie is PG-13 or above, you can push it up a rating (like from R to NC-17), and if its PG or G, you can push it down (so a movie like the Swan Princess becomes G ÷ 2, unless the main character’s father dies. Then it gets a bit emotional, and you can actually reverse it, and even push it up to PG). Had I known that the amount of violence and gore in certain movies would be so rampant, I probably would not have taken bongloads in my buddy’s civic in the parking lot of the Tarzana AMC in ’99, especially before going to see a movie like Payback, with Mel Gibson. They hammer off his fucking toenails one by one in that movie; can you imagine the horror I faced internalizing how that would feel. I mean the whole point of that movie is to watch Mel Gibson get the shit kicked out of him (to the point where he would die about 10x over from internal bleeding) and while Gibson is currently at a point in his no-one-can-touch-me-anti-Semitic-power-Christian-career, where that type of thing would be more enjoyable to watch, at the time I was somewhat rooting for Mad Max and whatever his character’s name was in Lethal Weapon. Maybe there should be a warning in the previews, like do not see this movie impaired, you will internalize the pain and own it. Some violence is the funny kind which I can handle without any problem. For example a movie like Kill Bill, where Uma Thurman slices open about 300 ninjas in the span of ten minutes, is somehow hilarious to me on the reefer. I think the difference is that the pretext for over the top gore and violence is set up to be funny, or to reference some classic movie/scene. Since it’s an homage to older kung-fu and samurai movies, where blood and guts are pretty fake looking, and blood sprays out of a dead ninja’s neck like a fire hose, the brain does not fire the message to your own neck, making you cringe and feel that slice. Movies based solely around gore and violence, which are created with the sole intention of making the audience grimace (due to its supposed believability), become like kryptonite to the stoned (while Payback is not a believable movie in anyway, the pain displayed is somehow tangible). Watching Payback stoned is on par with watching open heart surgery sober.

R.I.P. TP Cruiser. I know all the other blogs are writing out lengthy, thought provoking eulogies and posting up your shit. I chose instead to write about Mel G, Payback, and being stoned at movies, and I’m gonna own that choice. Besides I already posted about you. That being said, your jams touched me, and you’ve got some of the best intros in the business. Just ask Mobb Deep (From the Cradle to the Grave, creepy).
Fat Larry's Band - Here Comes The Sunshine
Hydro feat. Lorna - Stop Your Teasing