Look At Your Life

Drive, Eat, Drink, Drive, Wait, Drive, Wait, Smoke, Wait, Drive, Drink, Drive, Sleep. Then skin the shit out of your forearm skating a 4 inch curb in front of your parents house (so it looks like you took a cheesegrater to it), and think about the fact that you are a 28 year old man. Then write up a pointless blog post. Then sulk.
D.O.C. - The Grand Finale
Heaven 17 - Let's All Make A Bomb

The Emancipation Of Mimi

I woke up with a ton of ideas today that seemed very well formed initially, and I attempted to work them out in my head in that “snooze” period, which lasts exactly ten minutes (between when I push the snooze button on the alarm and go back to bed, and then when I wake up to the alarm again). I scrambled to an unopened envelope and wrote down “Fetish Skate Video” and “Mariah Carey” on the back thinking I’d be able to remember all the minute details. I am now at work, and they seem not only extremely hazy in comparison to the earlier dream format, but also less interesting/funny and waaaay more retarded. I’ll attempt to develop them anyway, as I am not looking to really do anything with my bloggings, other than get my fingers moving.

The first retarded idea dealt with the very homophobic world of skateboarding. Being openly gay and a into skateboarding is a definite no-no amongst most skaters (the majority of whom are probably in their teenage years, and very influenced by a number of things outside of their own mental capacity to make reasonable decisions). This is often a product of some working class, ignorant, macho, derelict, Pabst-blue-ribbon, flannel shirt type of vibe that a bunch of skaters tend to subscribe to. They say that statistically 1 out of every 10 men is gay; I’m sure that within skate culture the ratio is much lower, as it is not an activity that really speaks to a large variety of people outside of heterosexual males, and additionally its probably very intimidating for those who are outside of that category that it does interest (but within that category, it is at least racially very open; not so much across gender and sexual orientation). Regardless, it is fun to do, and all people like fun. So I was thinking maybe we need a gay skate video, with some pros (there must be a few who are secretly gay) coming out of the closet. It’d be a big Fuck You to skate culture. Sadly it’d probably end their careers, as I remember hearing rumors at skate spots from time to time about which pros are “confirmed gay” followed with some negative sentiments, and I figured that maybe the Gay Pride Skate Video would not work on its target audience. Instead, why not just go a couple steps beyond attempting to educate a few kids of the ignorance of homophobia (besides the vid would probably just become a target that they could use to reinforce what they already believe, unfortunately), and instead just blow a few minds by coming out with a hardcore fetish themed skate video, that will show some ripping: not only in the street, but in the club and the bedroom. It’ll be a place where skaters land and turn tricks, often in the same line. It’d showcase leather fetishes, circle jerks, cruising, all types of shit that skaters would generally be turned off of, but kids would totally buy it, thinking that they are gonna be really hardcore, for having a video with events and topics well beyond their sexual comprehension (Kind of like how it was cool to watch Faces of Death when you were 15, even though it is in no way enjoyable). Shit. In re-reading this BS, I don’t even know if I should put this out there, but if I don’t, I would have wasted a whole 30 minutes writing all of it up. If anything, it’s the homage to my thoughts on the astral plateau, which I cannot deny.

The second idea was “Mariah Carey” and beyond the name that’s all I can remember, which sucks because I’m pretty sure that I had a brilliant concept that would have put the fetish skate video idea into the trash can. I do remember having that song Touch My Body stuck in my head when I woke up (which was actually in a skate video). I also know that Mariah has an amazing Sanrio collection.
Fatback - Keep Your Fingers Out The Jam
Fatback - Want To Dance
Fatback - Get Ready for the Night

Tear It Up

My body is not as resilient as it used to be. 4 hours of serious skateboarding with a bunch of dudes who are 7 years younger than me has left me humbled, with my legs throbbing in pain (days later in fact). I could have been the token older guy and just benched myself in the corner at every spot smoking cigarettes and talking shit, but I felt the need to show these fucks that the slightly older generation still grips it and rips it (that’s just how I live my life). These dudes had video cameras and were intent on documentation, which brought out the mental beast: I could prove that I still rip and have the evidence laid down permanently on a gigabyte somewhere. I felt driven to show that the inkling of skate skills which are cryogenically frozen inside me could be reheated and released to course through my veins again. Well, if anything I’ve proved that I am not able to kick it in that environment anymore, the shredding to comfortably walking ratio is outnumbered by at least 20 times; not a particularly even trade. So I have to kick myself off of any dosage of heavy shredding and simply accept shred-light, which I guess is like making the change from regular Cola to Diet. Not quite as tasty and satisfying when it’s all gulped down, but absolutely necessary to ward off the devils that require its consumption.
Cameo - Please You
Bernard Fevre - Dangerous Mixture
X=R7 - XR7

Blog's Position On Blog

In posting music, I often wonder if there are rules or no-no’s within the music-geek blog community. Obviously these rules can and are broken constantly, but I’m sure that certain types of blog activity is frowned upon and mocked by the senior bloggers and purists. In skateboarding (and life; deep I know), you can pretty much do whatever you want on your board that is physically possible: push mongo, do ho-hos and handplants in the parking lot behind Sears (that’s actually pretty cool), launch benihannas, and do kickflip sex-changes. Any of the aforementioned tricks would probably result in a harsh mocking by seasoned skaters, although this trick degradation is solely a social construct. God or some underlying universal force did not will any of these things to be good or bad; a couple influential people did. So I started to wonder if I’m currently breaking any of the unwritten blogging rules myself. Here are a few things that I occasionally do which might make the list:
1. Repost tracks that I’ve downloaded off other people’s blogs. I don’t do this too often (and especially not if the track is tagged. How embarrassing, right). If I seriously can’t find the record, the track has a high sample rate, and it’s a stone cold jam, I will commit this crime. Whatever dude, I’m like a music blog Robin Hood.
2. Post up shit that I’ve uploaded from CD. Doesn’t seem like such a big deal, but, some folks claim that unless you record it from the original vinyl it doesn’t count. While I do feel that having the original vinyl copy is crackerjack (I got that term from the Merriam-Webster Online Thesaurus by the way, in searching for a synonym for “excellent”), I don’t think it is absolutely necessary. Besides, if you are actually concerned with supporting the artist, it’s probably better to buy the CD brand new from the store (if it exists), as some of that money might actually make it back to them (depending on how they negotiated their deals).
3. This is a music blog, right. So what the fuck am I doing whining, complaining, praising and ranting about non-music related things, like Laundry and Haircuts. I should be whining, complaining, praising, and ranting about music solely, as my music related opinions matter! They do, right?
4. Posting the same artist’s stuff over and over again. For example I’ve posted a lot of Bohannon, and I’m gonna post more in this post, and I plan to post even more in the future. What can I say, I’m a fan, and although I should space his shit out more, I’m super impulsive.
5. Posting really obvious pop music, that everyone knows and has heard a billion times. I haven’t done this too much yet, but I’m sure I will be posting up some Madonna in the future.

Shit, that’s all I can think of. My blog may be in the red, but it’s not the worst (I could provide some links to some of the worst I’ve seen, but that’d be fucked up and subjective), although One Man’s Problem is still completely un-respected and unknown, which is fine. Still, I’d like others to tell me the rules of blog and what else I am doing completely wrong. On the converse, here are some of the things that I see constantly on other blogs, which I feel violates music blog convention:
1. Posting up music at a low sample rate. Yeah, I fucking love it when the drums (and everything else), which are normally thunderous and heavy, sound like metallic high frequency garbage. Plus I use Serato (which I will likely get hated on hard for using. Is it still lame to use Serato, when I record all my vinyl at the highest sample rates to disc, and I get to use other MP3s, some which I will likely never find anywhere on vinyl in my lifetime, as well? I know the answer is yes [that it is in fact lame as hell], but my back is likely to be in better shape at the end of the day) which means that there is no way I’ll ever keep or play out anything from your blog (which may be your intent, to just tease, expecting that if you like the track enough you’ll go out and find it, which (if that is your intent) I respect (sort of, but still it’s a bit greedy). In that case, why not just go the extra distance and just put up snippets of the track, to really tease, ensuring that a false MP3 copy will never be misused. I’m sorry for the overload of parenthesis used in this passage, but my writing is very fragmented, and I want to accurately include all that shit.
2. Posting twice a month, or less. Actually, I think less than four times a month is kind of pathetic. This is relatively self explanatory, unless you are dropping serious amounts of blog-age in those posts, to tide peeps over till the next one. I understand that you are a busy person and maybe don’t have time for blog. If that is the case, then you DON"T have time for blog: give up, as nobody cares about you or your blog anyway (just as nobody cares about me, or my blog, and yet for the time being, I persist).
3. People who post up all the new 12”s and singles which are being released in the present. I know it’s tempting as there is some good stuff coming out (most of which sounds like it could’ve been released in the late 70s and early 80s, which is bittersweet I guess) but nonetheless, these dudes stand to benefit from the money that music dorks like me would normally spend on their output, as opposed to the money that I’ll now spend on something else, since I just downloaded a high quality MP3 off your blog. This maybe the case to post the low quality MP3, but I feel like many will still be satisfied with the free, yet crap quality version. Just post up the snippet, and/or shout it out and link to the Juno download or some online shop. If you are cool with the artist and they give you permission to post it up, or if they already offer a free approved download via their own label or site, that’s justified also. I know some blogs are popular (unlike this one), and may actually have the power to promote the artist, song or album, but I also know that in my case, if the track is just sort of cool (as opposed to essential heat), and I already have the high quality MP3, I’m not gonna be buying a hard copy.

I could go on, but I’m a total hypocrite and I’ve likely already done everything that I’m speaking out against, or will in the future (perhaps in this very post; irony is a strong theme here at One Man’s Problem). Besides I’ve already spent the whole morning writing this, and I’m sort of out of decent ideas. So going on would mean more babble; live and let die.
Bohannon - Dance Your Ass Off
Bohannon - The Groove I Feel
Bohannon – Party People
Mandonna – Into The Groove
Doris D and the Pins – Shine Up